Badly Remembered Jane Eyre

Jane Eyre starts, like all good children’s books, with an orphan raised by horrible people. After a school life predominated by evangelicalism and infant mortality, she goes to work for Mr Rochester, supposedly as a governess but actually as a husband-stealer.

For some reason *ahem*money*ahem* Jane puts up with Mr Rochester repeatedly calling her plain and terrible, despite the fact he himself is described as having a face like one of the latter Hapsburgs.


He is enamoured with Blanche Dubois who is, on the surface, an idiot. Deeper down, she is also an idiot.


Eventually they share some grotty kisses which in the 19th Century meant you had to get married. But of course Mr Rochester is already married, THE CAD.


Which means Jane must run away from Manderley or wherever the heck they are, leading Mr Rochester to such paroxysms of grief you’d think he’d lost his fortune or suffered a crippling disability. Oh wait. Spoilers.


When Jane returns, Mr Rochester’s wife is conveniently dead, and he is blind which is also convenient considering how POOR OBSCURE PLAIN AND LITTLE she was. Now she’s rich and he can’t see her face, so they live happily ever after.

But he still looks like a used tissue.



About bookfetcher

Librarian. 26.
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